More Lessons From The Ballpark

by Kevin Kimmes

Yesterday morning I decided to make the 2 hour drive from Green Bay to take in the final game of the Brewers series with the Colorado Rockies. While the game was a disappointment on the field thanks to a “stellar” outing by K-Rod and an inability by the offense to create runs despite having men on base, the bigger disappointment was in the things I saw in and around the park. So, since there appears to be a large contingent of so-called “fans” out there who are utterly clueless, let’s cover a little more ballpark etiquette.

1) If you are parked closely to the car next to you, use some common sense and be careful when opening your doors.

To the mullet sporting asshat and his worthless friends who parked next to me, thanks for dinging my car door with your truck. I personally take great satisfaction in coming out and finding Doritos and vomit all around my vehicle which I had paid $10 to park. You people are the reason that I, and everyone else keeps coming back to the ballpark, so bravo and keep up the great work.

P.S. the above is what we “educated folk” refer to as “sarcasm”.

2) If you don’t want the promotional giveaway, then don’t take it.

Smashing your bobblehead against the concourse wall doesn’t show the team how angry you are with their performance on the field, it just shows everyone else that you are a clueless dick who should probably have stayed home and saved their family the embarrassment of knowing that they were out in public unsupervised again. No one is forcing you to take the promo item, so if you don’t want it either don’t take it, or give it to a kid who would be more than happy to have it.

3) Falling into the person next to you because you have dozed off for the 5th time this inning is not acceptable under any circumstances.

Let me qualify this. I’m not talking about the 9th inning, hell, I’m not talking about extra innings…I’m talking about the top of the 1st inning. If keeping your eyes open has become too taxing, then go home. Those of us who came to watch the game and not by bothered by your sudden bought of narcolepsy will not miss you.

4) There is nothing wrong with playing catch with your kid outside the ballpark. However what are you teaching him when you are throwing the ball over the cars that are trying to leave the park?

Common sense: so rare, it’s a super power. ‘Nuff said.

4 thoughts on “More Lessons From The Ballpark

  1. So let me get this straight, your Miller Park/ Brewers experience was ruined because : someone “dinged” your car door, you saw a broken Lucroy bobblehead, someone accidentally bumped into you while sleeping (in the 1st inning), you had to step over litter in parking lot, and avoid a father and son playing catch at baseball game….. As a person who attends a signinficant ammount of games at Miller Park I think these are pretty minor “incidents” that can happen anytime you go to a place with 42,000 other people.

  2. K-Rod really ruined that day for me, but in Kevin’s defense, having seen many a bobblehead teeter from its perch, I can appreciate how devastating the sight of a shattered ‘Croy nodder must have been.

  3. Here’s the thing, I never said my day was “ruined” or that I have a problem with a father and son playing catch. My issue comes about from a lack of common sense on the part of a minority of fans. As others have pointed out, these things happen when you draw 3 million fans to your park on a yearly basis. It’s an unfortunate by-product of 42,000 people being in a small vicinity. Bad decisions are made by some, impacting the enjoyment of others. So to sum it all up: Be respectful of others when you go to the park.

  4. Probably the same guy in all scenarios: Got drunk, dinged your car, left a present, passed out at the game, woke up pissed after they lost, smashed his kid’s bobblehead, and then had to play catch with him after to make up for it. Then he finds out on Tuesday that someone wrote an article about him so he comes on here to defend himself.

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